Study Finds that 95% of Millennials are Gnolls in Disguise

Millennials are weird. Maybe they are gnolls in disguise.

Researchers are hard-pressed to crack the enigma of the “Millennial.” This generation, largely born between 1980 (maybe 1981?) and 2000 (perhaps 2004 or something?), exhibits odd behaviors as its older members reach their 30s. Their interests include computers and phones, real books with real pages, being poor, having crippling college debt, and being houseless.

The economy finds them difficult to court, leading to a lot of concern about these unusual preferences that have gone largely unexplained until just recently.

Leading researchers in the field have determined that as many as 95% of Millennials are, in fact, gnolls in very convincing disguises. “Gnolls don’t like nice things,” asserts a top researcher. “Therefore, many Millennials must be gnolls.”

The researcher declined to include any details about how they came to this conclusion. Nevertheless, analysts have begun to close the books on this one.